kayleighhgirl

This last week or two has been an emotional up and down, some days i missed her alot, and somedays i did not miss her at all. In history class i learned that this is normal, or at least its normal to still hurt. My history teacher was talking about those major moments and how the pain never gose away, and i felt normal because some times i think there is something wrong with me because i still hurt so bad and so often and she has been dead for almost 7 years. So that was comforting. I am starting to meet more people who are in the same situatinon as me. In my english class there are two guys whos mom died when they were 9 as well. though one is my twin but still. and in my history class there is annother kid that i know of whos mom's dead as well, so i am starting to feal not so alone, but still sorta alone because this is a difficult topic to talk about and i dont really know anny girls my age whos moms are  dead but i am working threw this.

life is still so confuzing, its like i spend most days trying to figure out if this is even real or not, when my mom died i was 9 i would always just pretend that she was just gone, that she was coming back. sometimes i would try to blow out all the dandilen seeds and whish but i could never really get all the seeds to blow out. sometimes i would pretend that my mom was a secret agent and that everything had been staged that one day she was coming back. Also for the longest time i was conviced that this was just a really bad dream that one day i was going to wake up and everything would be back to normal again. sometimes i still think i am in a dream but, over the last year or two i have been able to start to face reality and it sucks, because she i never coming back. I have found that talking about it helps expecially to other girls whos moms are dead. also finding sarrogate moms helps, but sometimes this is difficult because it hurts to let other feamals in at all.

that is always a weired thought, that my mom is never coming back.  she has been dead for almost 7 years. she died when i was 9 from a drug overdose. She died may 5th i did not find out untill may 8th it had been awiel sence i last saw her. it was a result of her drug addiction. Lately i have been extreamly overwelmed. Yesterday i blew up and told my grandma that she is not my mom and that i wanted her to stop acting like it. I feal so overwelmed so crazy. so confuzed, but i think this i good its proboaly better than the numness i have felt for so long. when i miss my mom and have emotions i feal real, the rest of the time i dont.