1 yr anniversary

Wow. I haven't been on here in so long and honestly had forgotten that I had even posted on here till I recieved a notification tonight from Kate who lost her mom just 4 days ago. I remember the pain of those days so well. The pain hasn't lessend I have just gotten on my meds for depression and it has numbed me a little and at times I wish I could cry the hurt out and at times I am so thankful for the numbing feeling. And right now is one of the days I am thankful for the numbness. Monday will be the 1 yr anniversary of my moms death.. She was pronounced dead on Saturday Feb. 9th 2008. And that day when I got the phone call I was at the basketball game with my girls who are cheerleaders. And that was also the day they were having their pictures made....and today is the Saturday before her anniversary and what was I doing today? I was at the basketball game with my girls and they were having their pictures made. Wanna talk about a terrible feeling? I wouldn't even answer my phone today at the game.

Now altough it hurts losing my mom and missing her so much, I am doing something positive in honor of my mom. My husband and I are becoming foster parents. Even though we have 3 beautiful girls we are going to open our home to another child who doesn't have the love and security and safety that our girls know. I know my mom would be so proud of me for doing this. Cause see my mom was a victim of molestation when she was a little girl by her sisters husband and although I wasn't even a thought in my moms mind back then I still wished that I could have protected her from that hurt and I look at this as an opportunity to help some other child from becoming that victim. If I can help one child from being hurt then I feel like I will be honoring my moms spirit.

For all who read this I just want to say May God bless you with all his grace and glory and bring you peace of mind to be able to make it through the hard times. ~Angela

 
Current mood: Love

Missing my mom so bad

It has only been a month since I buried my mother. This very day 1 month ago I had to lay my mother in the ground and I am so depressed I can't stand it. I can't really talk to anyone about it. Everyone has gone on with their lives.  My husband just talks about work and it is like I am invisible. Here alone to mourn and to hurt and noone sees that I am hurting so bad. Even my brother seems to have moved on. I can't stand this pain. I don't know what to do with myself everyday. I miss her so much and I just look at her picture everyday and think to myself "My god how can you be gone?" I never thought my mother would die. I thought she would live on forever. But she didn't. My mother was my only biological parent in my life. So now I am left parentless. My step dad loves me I know he does but noone can ever take the place of my mom. She was my best friend. The one I talked to when I was feeling down, or scared or happy or whatever the emotion was it was her that I would talk to. Who do I go to now? I don't get the same feeling of peace that I used to get when I would talk to my mom. And my baby is learning to do so much since my mom passed and I can't call her and tell her. She would be so proud of Kristina. She was so proud of her. Out of my 3 girls Kristina was the one who is just like my mom. She looks so much like her and my mom was so proud of her. I can't stand this pain..I just want it to go away. ~Angela
 
Current mood: Sad

About me
« September 2014 »
  • Su
  • Mo
  • Tu
  • We
  • Th
  • Fr
  • Sa
  • .
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • 6
  • 7
  • 8
  • 9
  • 10
  • 11
  • 12
  • 13
  • 14
  • 15
  • 16
  • 17
  • 18
  • 19
  • 20
  • 21
  • 22
  • 23
  • 24
  • 25
  • 26
  • 27
  • 28
  • 29
  • 30
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .

Blog-List
21Publish - Cooperative Publishing