larchetti

I lost my mom when I was 16.  She got sick with ovarian cancer when I was 12 and lost the fight 4 years later.  I am now 34 years old.  She missed my high school graduation, college graduation, engagement, wedding, and the birth of my children.  And I have missed her every step of the way.  I miss that connection that moms and daughters have.  I am envious of my friends who still have their moms with them.  They can call them for advice when their children are sick and so on.    I could not wait to be a mom.  I wanted to give to my children what I didn't have.   I now have two sons.  I love them with all my heart.  I love being a mom.  However, I am saddened that I wasn't blessed with a daugher.  I wanted nothing more than to have a little girl that i can call my own.   I feel as though I have two losses- one being my mom and the other of the mother- daughter relationship I will never have.

A very close friend of mine is having her first grandchild.  He daughter is pregnant.  She is excited about going to the hospital and being there for her daughter.  I am equally excited, but also saddened.  This is something I didn't have and something I will never have with my own child.  I hate feelign this way and I suppose it will never get easier.  I feel as if I am grieving all over again anytime someone has thier mom while having a baby or someone has a daughter.  I hate it!

Then I read the posts of young girls who are missing thier moms and my heart breaks for them.  I know what it was like to feel "alone" growing up.  I am a grown up and still feel alone.  I am in a household of "men" and yearn for that connection that only women have.  

Does anyone else feel this way without a mom or daughter?