For Mom:

you were taken away

you needed to take care of grandma that night

you said you couldnt breathe

it wasnt just a panic attack

but you thought it was

so you took a pill

shouldnt have cut back on your heart meds

i didnt know you were sick

your heart condition was stable

for 25 years it was ok

until we didnt have insurance

couldnt pay for the meds

the doctors said it wasnt your heart

that was the problem

but i think it was

you never cut back on those pills before

it was the only deviation

in your normal routine

i could barely hear the last thing you ever said

it was raspy and extremely fearful in tone

you couldnt look at me

while i sat on your bed

my mind was swimming with ideas

about the inconvence of getting up so early

i didnt hug you that last time

you looked so messed up

i didnt want to hug out the breath you had left

it wasnt because i didnt love you

the ambulance came just like you asked for

that emt was yelling at you

for fighting him

he scared you so bad

i could see it on your face

you told him you couldnt walk

he made you stand up anyway

you were on the stretcher

i saw inside the ambulance

as they got out the paddles

i didnt go with you

i stayed behind because grandma couldnt be alone

and because i was uncomfortable with seeing you that way

i came immediately when they called me minutes later

i got there and i heard

heart stopped

pray for her

brain damage

i was shocked

you were in icu 10 days

they couldnt find out what was wrong

i slept there four days trying to wake you up

out of the coma

i cried and screamed in the bathroom

embarassed to break down in public

i read you books you loved

watched shows you loved

the doctors took every test

you didnt respond to pain

or follow their finger with your eye

when you had the inexperienced nurse

i stayed with you for fear she would hurt you

every time i saw you i knew you were

already gone

every time i visited you

the bruises on your arms from poking

the bloody patches where tests were performed

all looked worse than before

i put on the greatest show of my life

pretending to be calm in front of family

when inside my heart was torn out

i did what you wanted

when the neurologists told me

there was no hope

i gave you eternal rest

you were my only mother

i was your only child

i was very shy

you were very talkative

you called me your favorite person in the world

i called you women as a joke

we always lived together

you were a homemaker

i was 23 and you were 51

i didnt have any friends

for almost a decade

so you were

my only friend

ill always remember

those perfect five months

caring for grandma

making her life better

she misses you

all our pets

are with you now

meowrie our cat who died of leukemia at one year

maddy our poodle who was 13 years old

and all the other lizards,snakes,birds

the menagerie of guinea pigs,rabbits

fish and more that you so graciously allowed me to have

but you grew to love

each and every one as if they were your own

i love you forever

my confident

my buddy

my therapist

my master chef

my roommate

my protector

my voice

my transporter

and most importantly

my loving mom

For Mom:

you filled my life with laughter

your enthusiastic manner always succeeding to cheer me up

you brought me out of my seclusion

my gloom was quelled only by your friendship

you protected me

from bad friends,bad choices

in the high school of hell

you whisked me away from all the meaness

you brought peace to my life

you saved me from what could have been

without a way out i felt trapped

you recognized my self hatred

you brought me out of the tough world

like an angel on earth

you fostered my every whim

you treated me as grown up when no one else would

we had lots of fun watching movies

you cooked such wonderful dishes

things werent always easy

with bills piling up

worries galore

you always managed to pull things together

in the roughest of times

when i didnt want to talk

when i became silent from anger

at people i knew

things i couldnt change

i always came home everyday of my life

and you were there

you never brought judgement upon me

for telling you my troubles

I LOVE MOM!