JennBlythe

Hi Jennifer

      This is my first time at this site--a friend bought me the book Motherless Daughters some time ago & I often pick it up & read through it .I had to write to you after reading your entry. I do not know what to say to you that could possably help in any way to ease your pain. I do understand about yearning for your mother as I still do for mine,it has been 42 years ,I was 13 & I also am so tired of being strong.I was really just getting to know her & share things with her.I have 5 older brothers & when mum died we had to move --I had never been so lonely we did not even have a phone so I was unable to just talk to when I needed . So I do understand about your Mother .

     But for you to lose your dear friend in such a way my heart truely went out to you --all I can say is that some one far away in Australia is thinking of you & wishing you well.      Joan

Jennifer,

 Today was the 13th anniversary of my mother's sudden death. Reading your blog brought me back to the tears I've been fighting away all day. I have never responded to a blog before, but I feel an urgency to respond to you. Everything you've said is everything I feel. I hate having to fight for happiness, I hate talking to people about what I'm struggling with because it's almost always followed by awkwardness, and then the pity face. I, as I'm sure you have as well, have been told on countless occasions how strong I am and I'm so tired of hearing those words. I don't want to be the "strong one" I don't want to be the one who it never bothers. I very seldomly let myself cry, but for some reason today I just can't seem to stop.  I think what's truly bothering me is the fact that this is number 13 which means I've spent just as long being without her as I ever did with her. It's affected me more than i ever thought it could.  You words really spoke to me...I've also never wanted to be viewed as the"girl with issues". I relocated across the country a few years ago thinking that maybe I needed a fresh start, not so surprisingly everything has followed me. I can't imagine the loss that you're currently experiencing now either. It must feel as if you can never get a break, and you were just made to experience heart ache. I'm genuinely sorry that you are living this right now. I feel losing one person is unjust, cruel and inhumane but losing your best friend on top of that too, that sounds unbearable.  Let yourself cry, and scream and be angry. It's ok...I go in my car, park somewhere and then just let it all go. It's exhausting, but I feel like I can do another day after I'm done.  My heart is going out to you tonight, I am sending you a hug from one broken young woman to another.

I completly understand what you are feeling...i'm coming up on the 13 anniversay of my mom's death...this year it is 1/2 my life....and I cry all the time for my loss.

Hi Jennifer, good for you for putting your pain out there and looking for help.  Keep seeking and you will find it - you're already on the path.  I'm 38 years old.  My mother died on Christmas Day when I was 9.  She died of a malignant brain tumor that ravaged her sight, speech, bodily functions and, finally, her sanity, before she died.  My father was not intentionally cruel, but he dealt with the situation by shipping her off for her final months of life to her parents and not allowing us to grieve when she died.  

One of my best friends also died almost on Thanksgiving.  She was 37 and somehow contracted colon cancer, even though it was against all odds.  The double whammy is hard.

So I really understand what you're going through.  I've spent a lot of time recovering from what happened and the trick for me was to figure out how to unlock the pain and process it.  It took over my life as I started to physically and emotionally break down in my 20s and finally, almost fully, in my 30s.  Fortunately I have had a lot of luck seeking spiritual answers - there is a way to comfort yourself (sans your mama), but it takes patience and a lot of self-love.  Your mom is no longer here physically to provide this support but all the love she gave you while she was alive still exists inside you and it has helped me to remember her love for me in times of need. And I am learning to be tender and loving with myself.  It takes time, especially when you lost your mom at such a hard age, as you did.

If you want to share/talk more, I'm here to listen and to help with any experiences that might seem to relate.  Be aware of when/how negative thoughts take over.  When you start to recognize them you can start to deal with them appropriately.

Take care of yourself and understand that you need a lot of love to get through this.   !!

my heart goes out to you. I miss my mom so much too, it's her birthday today which makes the start of the holidays difficult for me too. 

Lots of love your way.....