strength

I am 25 years old and my mom passed away just a little over 5 years ago at age 51 . She was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was only 6 months old and after beating the odds she won the fight. She wasn't going to give up because she had so much to live for...three kids that she was determined to watch grow-up and make her proud. "What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger," isn't that the truth...? My mom had went in a 12 year remition and when I was in 7^th grade it was then that I found out for the first time what cancer was and how it was going to affect my family. I never even knew my mom was sick before. I almost felt violated because my parents had never told me. Had I have known, I would have stayed home more often and played less sports just so I could savor every minute together. She was the backbone in our family and I couldn't imagine my life without her. I felt like I was running in a never ending marathon and couldn't catch my breathe. Thoughts of my wedding and having kids without her seemed impossible. I knew my mom was a fighter and she was going to be strong not just for herself but for her husband and but for my two brothers and I. My mom endured chemo for the second time, then a bone marrow transplant to hopefully wipe out the cancer cells for good. The doctors said her prognosis was good and she kept telling me everything was going to be fine, whatever God put on the table we would get through it as a family. She went into another remission and finally cancer free. It felt like the world was lifted off my shoulders. Who would have known that our celebration would shortly be interrupted with bad news in the future. Cancer cells hid during the transplant and started to attack her brain and spine. I remember that day as if it was yesterday...my mom sitting in her hospital bed telling me and my brother to put our boxing gloves back on - we had another fight to win. In the months to come she endured radiation and again luck on her side she beat the 6 week prognosis and went into remission for the third time. The doctors said that my mom's strong will to survive was what kept her going all these years. Due to all the medications, chemo and radiation my mom went through unfortunately she had to jump over another hurdle. My mom had to get a total hip replacement and even though it wasn't as serious as battling cancer, there were still many days of physical therapy and endless nights of midnight bathroom breaks. Even though we all knew my mom was getting tired she always found the time to keep a big smile on her face. Of 8 years on my belt knowing everything my mom went through and what our family went through together I had a completely different view of life. I found myself more mature then friends my own age and always two steps ahead of the game. In Feb 2003 my mom had went into the hospital for her monthly "oil change" and I never would have known that this was going to be the last battle my mom would ever fight. A nurse went to move my moms legs in bed and lifted her by her calves and not by her heels as instructed. The nurse had ripped the skin right off her legs and the doctors could not use stitches because my mom skins was paper thin. They applied special bandages to cover her wounds and said everything will be okay. After being in the hospital for about a week my mom was sent to rehab to build her strength and to learn how to walk again. My mom was on top of her game and it was the strongest I've seen her in years. Aides were supposed to take my mom to OT and PT but almost every day my mom beat them to it. Two weeks went by and finally we could take my moms long anticipated trip back home. My mom wasn't home for long before I knew something was wrong. She had an altered mental status and began to lose her appetite. I called my dad at work and immediately called for an ambulance. Within a ½ hour my mom was back in the place she dreaded most. Who would have known that the day to follow was the last day I had to share with my mom. Who would have known that due to the nurses negligence a few weeks prior, it was going to cost my mom her life. She ended up getting sepsis in her blood and before the doctors caught it, it was too late. Infection started to spread through out her body and started to shut down her organs one by one. Luckily my family was all there to say good bye. My mom had her eyes closed as if she was sleeping. I told her it was okay to let go and told her I will miss her everyday that passes but I will indeed see her again in heaven. I told her that I will be strong for her. The priest came in for a final prayer as I was laying in bed with my mom. He began to walk out the door - my mom opened her eyes for the first time, looked straight at me, and took her last breathe. The sight of me was probably all my mom would have ever asked for to be her last vision alive. We had a beautiful memorial and I learned a lot about my mom that day. Many of our family and friends shared their founded memories of her. I am sure she there looking down on us with her big smile on her face. The poem below is what I read at my mom's memorial. I hope this helps you find closure as it did me... <3 Sharon

God's Garden

God looked around His garden
And He found an empty place
He then looked down upon the earth
And saw your precious face

He put His arms around you
And lifted you to rest;
God' s Garden must be beautiful
He always takes the best.

He knew that you were suffering
He knew you were in pain
He knew you' d never ever
Get well on earth again.

So He closed your weary eyelids
And whispered " Peace be thine "
Then He took you up to Heaven
With Hands so gentle and kind.

It broke our hearts to lose you
But you did not go alone,
For part of us went with you
The day God welcomed you home.