The mother with an iron will

    I found my mother passed away December 10th 2007 and yet some how I am relieved in a way. See the only mother I knew was in a wheelchair all my life that I remember. My mother did what she could, but was too sick to come to my cocerts in band or my plays in drama. I don't blame her for why this happened to us it was just ment to be. My mother and I never were close when I was a teenager, you know the quarels of a teenager and their mother they never agree on anything.. I look back now and wish I had been a bit nicer. It wasn't till I moved out that her and I grew closer and I actually listened to her. She was the only one that I could tell anything too and she would tell me her opinion but now, I can't. My mother was 47 years young and never had the chance to experience life to the fullest. The day I found my mother was the worst day of my life, I still can feel the way she felt after she left her body. She looked peaceful sleeping I feel sad that she is gone from this life, but on the other hand I would be selfish if she would have stayed. She had died 3 times before it was her final struggle with this life. My mother fought so hard to stay alive and yet the health care system wouldn't even put her in the hospital to find out what was wrong with her. I feel so selfish to want her here, but I know that isn't what she would want. I found a letter from her the other day that I asked her to write for my daughter. Just to hear her voice in my head while I read the letter was enough to break me down. I miss my mommy so very much it kills me every time I walk into that room where she took her last breath. Now I just have my father who now I fear I will find the same way I did my mother. I just want my mommy to come back and give me advice on how to deal with this. Now mothers day approaches and I have no clue how I'm going to handle it, I hardly handled christmas eve and day let alone the one day that celebrates the woman who gave me life. How do you do that? How do you not go buy a card or make something and not be able to see her expression when you give it to her?