giveacare

Good morning,

I made some brief comments yesterday to some of the more recent posts, but those comments have not yet been posted. I feel a wee bit better today. I finally shed a tear or two over the anniversary death (15th) of my mother for this year. It's ironic. The first two years after she had died, I cound not stop crying, and now I am lucky if I can muster up a tear for release. Strange dynamic.  Back then I wouldn't even be sobbing, the tears would just pour out of my eyes regardless of where I was or what I was doing---if I heard a trigger word or saw something that made me emotional--the tears would just rain down my expressionless face. Now I bottle it up. I guess because after a while I expect to have some type of closure even when I know that this type of loss does not have closure--it just has what I call a process of grief management....similar to pain management for chronic back pain.

As for "daughterless mother" I can sort of relate. I am 31 and a perpetual student in college still working on my bachelor's degree. I finally found some one who is father material, and after 4 yrs of my biological clock ticking I just want to mate and breed like a rabbit. But we can't yet between school and the economy. I have no children now and I am often mulling over the the two scenerios of, "what if I have a boy" or "what if I have a girl."  

What I can relate to you with emotionally is that feeling of aloneness that comes, that can never be filled because the person I am missing will never be back on the planet in the same way ever again. And men, well there are certain things that men just can not give us as women unless they become an androgenous being.(I think I spelt that right).

You sound more in touch with some of your negative emotions than I like to admit out loud even as much as I "talk" about stuff--that is healthy on your part.

Anyway until your next post.

signed,

giveacare  zt

It has been fifteen years now since the death of my mother.  Most of the time I am okay with it, sometimes I am not. I'm not in the mood to disclose right now (which is highly unsual, smiling to myself). Rather I am inclined to read what's on this site for now. Tootles