becky1044

hey everyone ... my names becca. im almost 16 years old. i lost my mom at 14. it happened on oct 11 2006. although a year and a half has past, that night still remains in mymemory clearer then any other. i can honestly say, absolutely nothing is the same from how it was before when i had her comfort. My dad is back to drinking and i cant stand it. He gets so bad to the point where i fear that i might get hurt. The man i would go to and watch sports with and play board games ... isnt there anymore. he has a new girlfriend. Even though i have todl him many itmes how i am not ready and i dont accept it, he insists on calling me a bitch for not letting him be "happy". This might be selfish of me, but dont my feeligns count more then his at this point in my life especially on somthing liek this? shouldnt he care more then anyhtign about what i feel and who this women is? Yes, she is nice, i dont mind her, but i dont deserve the pain that im going through. im strong and i would do anyhtign to make sure im doing wwhats best fro my family, but it goes to a certain point. i have a sister who is 20 in college. i rarely see her but she is my only reason for living. i love her to death she has ALWAYS been there for me on my side. I have an aunt who is my mothers youngest sister. She is also alays there for me. But ... what i need more is ... my mom. yes i have a wonderful sister and a loving aunt and amazing family, but who do i go to when i wanna tlak abtou boys or school, or friends, or drama, or my activities in life? mom? ... no becca remeber ... you dont have her anymore ... she is gone ... forever. im so used to gettign my way or having someoen gve in or putting it off til later ... but forever? there is no break on that or exception or slide by ... im legit ... never gonna see her again, feel her hugs, smell her perfume, touch her beautiful hair, look into her eyes and see her looking back, take a picture with her, see her smile up close, hear her laughs again, or know she is there just in case.

i wonder what shes doing?

does she know im in pain or can she only see my happiness? ... well theres not much of that now. so she sees rarely anythign of me. i miss her. my life is different and theres no exception or slide by around it. no undo button or rewind. shes gone ... forever.

please if your older and have understood at least one of the things im goign through ... help me or send advice. im 15 and dont know my way around or the answers to things without her.