aavery

I lost my mom on July 12th...so it's only been about three weeks since she passed. She died from complications from COPD and pulmonary fibrosis. It all happened so fast, I still can't believe that she was fine last fall.

She had always had a little cough, but we never knew how serious it was. LAst fall she was diagnosed with COPD and put on oxygen only during the night. Not soon after, she was on it 14/7, and she just kept getting worse and worse, faster and faster. She was no longer able to do the things she loved, or even go to work, but she did anyway. Mom was always the life of the party, and she was always smiling. She was only in the hospital for about a month, waiting to get on the transplant list. I was staying home keeping an eye on the animals and the house while dad was with her in the hospital, so I was not there with her when she left. I woke up very early that Sunday, unable to sleep for some reason. I walked intot he kitchen to see my dad and my uncle's girlfriend standing there. I immediately knew something was up, but did not even think it was mom. I cried all day.

I was very close with my mom...closer than any of my friends were to their mothers...or anyone I knew for that matter. She was like my sister, my best friend. She would always take me on spur-of-the-moment trips and we loved going to plays and musicals together. We spent so much time together, it hurts so much and feels so empty without her here. I recently went camping with some friends, and when I got home I broke down because mom was not there to ask me how much fun I had and all the details that went with it. She would always want to know every little detail.

She always told me how proud she was of me...my artwork, my acheivements, and the choices I made. I wish I could tell her that I made all those choices and was able to purse my dreams because of her. She always believed in me and helped me through everything. I am growing closer to my father now, which is a good thing, but I just cant talk to him like I did with mom. I love dad with all my heart, and I know he will be there for me like I will be for him...and I hope we both can make it through this.

This is the worst thing I've ever had to face in life, and I'm not sure what to do with myself. I am going back to school this year because I know that if I didn't, mom would kick my butt. I know my friends will help me get through this year...and I know mom will too. I know she is still with me, but I wish I could talk to her and hug her again.