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My Story By: Brittany Joy Eger

Hello. My Name is Brittany Joy Eger, my Mom's name is Joy, my Dad's name is Patrick, my Brother's name is Brandon. I will start out telling you my story. At the age of 14, I lost my mom. She was my best friend. It was prom night, April 30th, and we spent the day together, not thinking that it would be the last; only expecting that tomorrow we would go to wal-mart together and get the film developed from prom. She asked my to take lots of pictures of Cassandra my friend because she was on prom court. I was so excited My first prom! My brother, his girlfriend, and I went out to dinner. My date was to meet me at the school. After dinner we went to our local hang out where Mom and Dad were having a drink and talking with friends. Now everytime ANY  of us would hang up a phone, leave knowing that it would be a while before we'd see eachother again, or even go to sleep, we would tell eachother "I love you." I always thought we had the perfect family. Mom, Dad, Brandon (my brother), and Me. Even my brother and I (though we had our fights) would always tell eachother that we love eachother. One main reason was that we had some friends pass not even a year ago and all our lives Mom and Dad would tell us "don't fight, what if that is the last word you get to say to eachother?" So everytime we'd walk away ..."I LOVE YOU!!!" :) While walking out the door of Lavore's Restaurant and Lounge, I said "I love you Mom and Dad" and left. We had a blast at prom. Post prom came, I called to check with Dad to make sure that Holly (my brother's girlfriend) could stay the night, and he said "yes but when you come in you have to be quiet, your mom is very sick." Ok, sign right? Nope. She had had a historectomy about a year ago and still had pains, she had arthritis, all kinds of pain and pain killers the doctor would prescribe, you name it she had it. So when he said she was sick I prayed that she would get better and went on with the fun. When we got home it got more serious. Dad pulled Brandon and I into the corner and whispered, "don't go by her. She is not well." Normally, this just meant, don't bother her let her sleep. My dad would NEVER keep me away from her if he had known what was in store in about one hour. This was about 3am for post prom just ended. I went to the bathroom and purposely walked past her room to check on her. Dad was hugging her and crying. Now normally I'd have gone in to check but Daddy said not to so I obeyed. I felt SO sad just walking by her like that but I musn't disobey Daddy. Holly and I fell asleep sitting up on the loveseat, while Brandon layed on the big couch out in our rec-room. 4:00 ... Dad ripped Brandon out of a deep sleep and yelled "call 911!!!! She's not breathing!!!" Now how do you think Brandon responded? "WHAT! WHAT! OMG! NO!!!" and he called 911. about 10 minutes of them running, screaming, crying, shoving chairs out of the way, opening doors, and turning all the lights on so the ambulance knew where to go, and I woke up. Sleepy-eyed "huh what's going on?" I made a mistake... I went straight to Dad's room and saw Mom laying on the floor, Dad and Brandon giving her CPR. I freaked and called 911 myself not knowing that Brandon already had. They, of course, already knew. Holly woke up but didn't know what to do so she stayed out in the rec-room. I went and got her because I needed someone to cry to. We sat on the couch in the living room which is right by a door and my parent's room. I cried loud and yelled a lot of "mommy I love you"s because I knew that there was a chance she would not make it and the last thing I wanted her to hear me say was "I love you." The ambulance came and Dad jumped over a chair in order to help them carry her out. (don't get me wrong, she only weight 135 and she's 36 years old) he just wanted to be with her. My grandparents came to drive us to the hospital because Dad was too sick and crying too hard to drive. A family friend came to take Holly home. On the way there I prayed harder than I ever have before. "oh God please don't take her away from me I still need her I still need her I love her too much God please no God I will kill myself!" Inside they spend about an hour with the defibrilators and CPR and they told us not to go in the room so they could work. Of course, Daddy and I disobeyed. Brandon disappeared into a bathroom or something. He wanted to be alone. Seeing her lay there I already knew, but I was hoping for a miracle. They made us leave the room. Brandon sat next to Dad (there were only two chairs) so I sat on Daddy's lap with my arms around him crying. I cried so hard my contacts were fogged up and all of my prom makeup was gone!!! The doctor came out and said "we did everything we could but..." I cut him off "does that mean?!?!?!! ...." he cut me off " yes dear. She didn't make it." I freaked out and screamed so loud. I felt like some one took a blunt sword and stabbed it through my heart 36 times. I closed my eyes and just screamed. I could not make out a word. I bawled SO hard I didn't think I would make it. I thought I would have a heart attack. I was short of breath and hoping that each one would be my last. We went home. People came. I recognized maybe MAYBE half of them. They all wanted to hug me, and just as one would walk in I would be JUST stopped crying and relaxing; some one would walk in and I would BAWL all over again for about another hour. More that 1,000 people came to our house throughout that week, she had a LOT of friends. The one person I was so intent on calling, I couldn't get ahold of. Cassandra. I eventually got ahold of some one who got ahold of her. She didn't believe it. One of my "aquantences" called and I told her to leave me alone and that my mom had died around 4 - 4:30 that morning. She called me a liar and I threw the phone. It broke. My hair was still up and my contacts were so bad I could not see a thing so I took them out and put my glasses on. I have to admit, I looked pretty cute with my hair all done up and my glasses on :) but that didn't help. I hurt so bad. Eventually I was outside goofing around for which i felt HORRIBLE for but people told me that she would want to see me smile. I didn't eat for days and that is bad because I was a 14 year old freshman and I only weighed 100. My brother's friend put up a tire swing for me. (I had never had one and I always wanted one) The morning she passed was Sunday, May 1st. Wednesday I cut my hair (a little) and Thursday was the wake. Friday was the funeral. About 1,000 people came to both. At the wake I just stood next to her and hugged her the whole time. I heard some one say "She could walk away and let some one else see her Geez!" I was pissed. She's MY mom and NO ONE should be able to see her ANYWAY!!!! Just Dad, Brandon, and Me. And maybe some family. I didn't want to share her. Dad made me move a little and just a little bit was enough to send me over the edge. I didn't want to move. I acted like a little child and threw a fit. People there did not understand my hurt so they called me a sassy little brat while the people that I knew closely told them to shut the Fuck up. They had no clue what it felt like and with that kind of an attitude, they had NO right even being there. The next day at the funeral they didn't want to let Brandon and I see them close the casket. I was mad because I wanted DAD, BRANDON, and I to be the last ones to see her. So that was the way of it. Everyone else left (which was planned anyway) and they let us stay. I cried constantly. I rode in the hearse to the cemetary. I hate hearses. They make me cry. Others see a car that resembles a hearse "omg lol look that car looks like a hearse!" and I get really mad and say "that's not something to laugh about. are you stupid!?!" They, of course, stop laughing. I do not like the word graveyard. It feels insulting. I used to be afraid of them too, now I feel so comfortable there. My mom's stone is the prettiest stone in our cemetary. Her site is also the prettiest. She is right next to her mom where she'd want to be. Her mom passed when mom was 18, and grandma Stella was 38. I have a rock hard supporting family and they are how I made it through. I also talk to counselors. They help ... a little. Everyone says that it will get better with time. They are WRONG and I tell them that. It may get easier to deal with but the pain will NEVER go away. It still feels like a blunt sword being stabbed through my heart 36 times. Today is May 5th and I am 15. It is only a year later. I am a strong little girl and I know that. I have to be. I love my family and we will make it ... for her. And even though God took her, I am not mad at him. She deserved Heaven more than anyone else I know. She was as perfect as she could be as a sinner and I am proud of her. I love her more than anything and I always will. I am on this site telling my story because I feel it is the right thing to do and maybe my story will help some one else. My mom was my EVERYTHING and in my mind no one loves anyone like Dad, Mom, Brandon, and I love eachother. So now you know why it is so hard to get over. I never will get over it. I will learn to deal with it, but I will never heal. I wish all of you luck in recovery of your lost loved one and I pray that you have the opportunity to feel a loving supporting family like I have. If you would like to visit the memorial page my Dad began for her, it is on www.pureadrenaline.tv then scroll down to the memorial page link on the left side of the page. Go there and you'll see how much my dad loves her. He wrote a long page of information and a story about or lives. It is also my Dad's hunting page so you will see what kind of family we are. We do everything together. :)   Thank you for your time. 

                                                             -Brittany Joy

I also wrote a poem in memor of my Mommy ... it is titled

"A Family of Four" ...

A happy family,

A family of four.

And none of us knew

Just what was in store.

 

It was prom night,

A happy time,

Until about

Four o’ nine.

 

When we came home,

Daddy said,

“Don’t bother your mom,

She’s sick in bed.”

 

We all just thought

That she’d be ok.

And when morning came,

We’d hear her say …

 

“Hey I’m alright,

Thanks for all your help.”

But we were wrong,

The hand was dealt.

 

I fell asleep,

And when I awoke

It was to the sound

Of screams “No Please NO!”

 

I called 911

But they already knew.

I just cried and screamed

“Mommy, I love you!”

 

The ambulance came,

I asked the woman

“Will she be ok?

Will you save my Mom?” and

 

In reply

All she said was,

“I really don’t know,

But I wish I did Hun.”

 

My Daddy jumped

Right over a chair,

To help them carry her

Into the night air.

 

On the way to the hospital

I decided to pray

“Oh please GOD please!
Don’t take my Mommy away!”

 

So then we arrived

Hearing sounds of fright

And wondering “Damn,

What happened tonight?!”

 

After about an hour

The doctor came out,

“We’re trying real hard.”

But we knew there was doubt.

 

We disobeyed orders

Time after time.

“Please don’t come in here,

We’re doing just fine.”

 

Daddy didn’t listen

Neither did I.

We wanted to help

We didn’t want her to die.

 

And to our misfortune

30 minutes later

“We did all we could,

 We just couldn’t save her.”

 

I didn’t believe it

I asked him again

“Does that mean …?”

“Yes dear she’s dead.”

 

I had nothing to say

I couldn’t say anything

So I decided to put

My thoughts into screams!

 

I screamed louder than ever

My body tensed up

I was hugging my Daddy

My eyes were both shut.

 

They then let us see her

Say our last goodbyes

Take off her jewelry

But we couldn’t see her eyes.

 

Through all of her pain

She must have closed them

At least now she wasn’t

Hurting inside then.

 

 Her pain was all lifted

As she went to Heaven.

She would be ok now

She was in God’s presence

 

For weeks Daddy prayed

Brandon and I did too

“Please God take back that day

Please God please won’t you.”

 

And now we have suffered

And learned she’s at rest

Of all other people,

I swear she’s the best.

 

She was always so friendly

And everyone loved her

She was so very active

‘bike’ rider, skier, and hunter.

 

She was, in my eyes, PERFECT

As any human can be.

But the pain she went thru

Was so hard to believe.

 

She now has no pain

We’ll all be ok.

Knowing she’s in Heaven,

Every day.

 

Smiling down on us

Like she always was

Wishing she could give us

All one great big hug.

  

To tell her I love her,

Just have one more day,

Would be the greatest

And I always pray.

 

“God if you’ll let me,

See her one more time,

And hug her and tell her,

That we’ll all be just fine.”

 

“Me, Daddy, and Brandon,

We’ll be ok.

Just knowing that we’ll

Get to see you someday.”

 

“I love you dear Mommy.

And I always will,

I will keep missing you,

Every day until…”

 

“God takes me to Heaven,

To be by your side,

But I know I have to wait,

It is not yet my time.”

 

“I have to be strong

For Daddy and Brandon,

I will not leave them,

None of us should be abandoned”

 

My poem must end

But my feelings are out

I love my family

And without a doubt

 

She is in our hearts

She’ll always be near

A family of four,

Will ALWAYS live here.

  

Brittany JOY Eger

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Current mood: Sad